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Learn to love yourself first before loving someone else..

I often ask myself, if I really need something from you? And if yes, what do I need and keep asking out of you?
Then I realize that at times it can be your presence, your attention, your care, your words, your support, and may be more.

At times, I think I really keep asking for these things out of you. But then I also ask myself if that is really viable? Needing something from somebody in love? Or is that the way my love for you will arise? And what if I am not getting these things from you? Then there will be quarrels and fights and egoism and someday we will just give up on each other like we never cared for each other, like we never even met, like it was the biggest mistake of our lives.


love yourself first


So what is the solution?

Love. Love is the solution. All one needs is a bit of love. A bit of love from your end, and I will be able to survive on my own for next few days.

I have given up on the idea of asking something out from somebody. I have given up on the idea of needing something from somebody continuously. Yes, I will be needing something from you on certain days, but not frequently. Because, if I won’t be needing something from you on my bad days or on gloomy days, then whom would I approach for this? Where would I go? Whom should I ask for some love?

It is because my search for love ends up at you, that I love you. This is why I am with you, this is why I choose you in the first place, this is why we are together, this is why we chose each other, this is what couples in love are supposed to do i.e. support each other, understand each other, love each other, whenever needed.

So, finally, I am learning to give up on the idea of needing something out of you continuously. Be it your attention, your support, your care, or anything. I just want you to love me a bit when I am in need. I just want you to show me the right path. I want you to guide me if I am wrong. I want you to teach me, if you want.

But at the end of the day, I have learnt to love someone back without needing anything from them, or expecting a very little from them i.e. for example, a bit of love or respect, and nothing much. So, at the end of the day, I will love you for whatever you are, however you are, and whatever you do. I will try to make you feel good. I will try to make you feel comfortable. I will try to help you enjoy life and moments. I will try to take care of you in each and every way possible. And last but not the least, I will try to love you forever without expecting a lot from you.

Because, you just can not rely on somebody to be happy, for the rest of your life. You have to complete yourself first on your own. You have to love yourself first before you fall in love with someone else. You just can not give your heart out to someone and expect them to make you happy all the time. They are humans too. They are imperfect too. They will hurt you badly. So if you rely on someone to make you happy, to love you like everything, then you are going to get hurt again and again and again, until you learn and accept the fact that you have to complete yourself first. You have to give yourself everything that your heart wants, that your soul asks for, that your mind wanders for, that you know can be the purpose of life, that gives your soul a spark- a reason to live.

That does not mean you do not have to fall in love ever. No. That simply means that you should not expect a lot of love from anyone. Love will find its way. You will find someone who will love you like anything and will understand your things. You will find the love of your life. You will find someone who is going to fill the gaps and stitch the wounds.

But first, you have to give up and then give in.

Ajit Singh Guller
I share my thoughts, experiences, and experiments with life here; some brutal, some pleasant. And I try to write something useful for people as well as for me.

I am not a professional philosopher, and I do not wish to be.

I write here because I want to, because this is what satisfies my soul, because I feel complete, because this is in my nature; not because I have to.

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